im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
