New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
