Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
