ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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