At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
3 2 1 whiskey
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
