After last night, I could never be a politician.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
