Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
