i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
