Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
