just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
