First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
