that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
