I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
