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BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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