If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
