sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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