Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
