I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
