My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
