32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
