I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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