apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
