I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
