I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
