you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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