If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
