You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
