oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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