Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
