I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
