You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
