saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
