well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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