I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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