Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
