I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize