one two three fourrrrnication!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
