I faked an abortion last night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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