Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
