I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
