I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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