Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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