I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
