I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
