Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
