Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
