i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
