i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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