Don't make out with my wife yet
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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