I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
