I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
