I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
