I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
