that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
