I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
