They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
bring money and cleavage
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
