I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
