So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Randomize
