Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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