Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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