I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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