Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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