ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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