All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
