so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize