its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
