You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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