she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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