I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
