He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
